The Union of a Reptilian Pirate and a Pink-Headed Yandere
by Arthr1tis
Summary: They had no idea. They never knew that those unique items they put on would result in the spirits of the deceased residing inside their bodies. Not only that, but the souls now taking residence within them are causing changes to both their bodies and mental psyche. For two people, maybe the permanent alterations won't be so bad.
1. It begins

In the realm known as the afterlife, a couple of unique souls were communicating with one another since sound did not exist. Any other person would stop and think, what's so special about these souls? They're just souls, that's it. And they'd be right. However, these souls aren't just any other ordinary souls, these souls were once people who made a big impact on their planet and were loved and hated by an equal amount of people.

Though how they passed away won't be said. Maybe they died by age, or died by an accident or disease. No one knows, except them. They also had their fair share of enemies, most who they got along and let go of their hate, the rest having held onto their grudges and being so morally corrupt that they've been subjugated to hell.

Either way, they had no regrets about dying since they lived great lives; not entirely, but still great nonetheless. Though their relaxation had come to an end, because they now found themselves above a planet that wasn't their own; having the oddest landmasses they've ever seen.

Without warning, a cosmic entity appeared before them. They immediately recognized it; Fate was in front of them. They were confused, what does Fate want from them? Fate then spoke to them.

 **"HEY GUYS, UH, I KNOW YOUR WONDERING WHY I TOOK YOU AWAY FROM FROLICKING IN HEAVEN AND STUFF. BUT, UH, RECENTLY I'VE BEEN FEELING A BIT BORED AS OF RECENTLY AND HEAR ME OUT, THOUGHT THAT I WOULD SEND YOUR SOULS TO A PLANET WHERE EATING FRUITS WILL GIVE YOU SUPERPOWERS. AND WHERE PEOPLE CAN TURN THEIR AMBITION INTO AN ACTUAL WEAPON, JUST TO ENTERTAIN ME AND ME ONLY."**

The souls shook in a way that looked as though they were absolutely against the idea of going to such a dangerous planet.

 **"OKAY, YES, I KNOW IT WAS SELFISH OF ME TO SAY THAT. BUT ALL OF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT MY LIFE IS LIKE WHEN BARELY ANYTHING INTERESTING HAPPENS, SO DON'T DUMP THIS ALL ON ME OKAY?! YOU ALL HAVEN'T WALKED SEVERAL LIGHT YEARS IN MY SHOES TO KNOW HOW BORED I AM WITH EVERY PASSING MOMENT."**

One of the souls shook furiously, akin to that of a rant.

 **"SHUT IT CALVIN! NONE OF YOU GET A SAY IN THIS ALRIGHT?! LOOK, IF YOU ALL COOPERATE AND GO WITH MY PROPOSAL, I'L MAKE IT UP TO YOU GUYS OKAY?**

All the souls shook in unison.

 **"OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT? I TRIED TO BE NICE TO YOU ALL, BUT YOU'RE ALL MAKING THIS MORE DIFFICULT BY THE GIGASECONDS, SO ALL OF YOU ARE GOING FOR MY AMUSEMENT WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!"**

The souls shook to the extreme, showing their dislike of being ripped away from paradise.

 **"YEAH, YEAH, WHATEVER. BYE."**

Just like that, Fate snapped its fingers and all the souls were turned into beams of light that were sent to a particular island down on the surface. Fate then grabbed a sofa from out of nowhere, whipped out a bowl of popcorn, and patiently waited for the show to start.

 **"OH! ALMOST FORGOT."**

Fate snapped its fingers again, bringing in more souls from the after life; Hell to be specific. They were turned into beams of pure darkness with red outlines and sent to where the beams of light landed.

* * *

 **It Begins...**

* * *

In Dressrosa, at the Corrida Colosseum, two individuals have met with the exact same goal in mind.

Getting a _fucking_ fruit as a prize for killing everyone in the Battle Royale arena. But it wasn't just _a_ fruit, no, it was a fruit that if eaten, the consumer gains pyrokinesis. Which is basically like eating a flaming hot cheeto that was dipped in radioactivity, and once eaten, the person gets superpowers like from the comics.

But still, everyone is going to kill each other for a fruit? What has the world gone to? Where everyone is committing mass genocide just for a single fruit? This is proof that humanity will soon destroy itself, and that they're all doomed.

But anyways, back to the main characters and future love interests of this cancerous story. The first one is a dude who looks like he hasn't even hit puberty yet. His mood is akin to a child after downing gallons of sugar and sweets and has an attitude that is really likable to some people and can attract uncanny one's as well. He's even wearing a fake beard and sunglasses for reasons no one knows.

Maybe he's been kicked out of some place that don't allow manchildren inside and has to wear a disguise to enter. If that's the case, then he might be a desperate manchild. He also happens to have the name 'Monkey' as his last name and have the middle initial 'D'. Guess that gives the impression that he must go psycho whenever he gets all excited and is 'well blessed' down there. His name also happened to be Luffy.

On a side note, there _could_ be the possibility of him suddenly getting so crazy that he starts crawling on the walls and ceiling that an excorcist might have to get involved. Or get tossed into an insane asylum while wearing a straight jacket, then toss than asylum at the bottom of the ocean. He'll be fine though. He has survived situations in which he nearly died.

Now onto the next person beside the first one. The second person was a teenager who can be mistaken as a maturely developed woman. Her well endowed figure makes it difficult to tell what age she was at. However, that's not what caught people's attention. It was the fact that what she wore barely covered her body. What the actual hell? Why is she even wearing that? Shouldn't she be wearing something that offers her more protection? Like armor for example? Or maybe that's part of the rules here.

That would actually be interesting to see. A woman walks towards the entrance with armor protecting her from all directions and the guy at the registration stand would be like,

"Uh sorry, but you got to be wearing something more revealing that it's basically fan service. So if you can't oblige with the rules, then get the fuck out you goddamn retard!"

Many would agree that would be really sexist to say to a woman who just wants to win a fruit that'll give her fire powers.

Back on topic, the 'gifted' female had pink hair, like one those anime characters who have unusual colored hair, with brown eyes, and a gladiator helmet covering a great majority of her head. Complete with a cool cape.

But anyways, the two met when Luffy was admiring a bronze statue of an "almost naked warrior geezer statue" as he liked to call it, and the female gladiator - whose name is Rebecca - told him about Kyros, who won three-thousand colosseum matches in a row and only took one hit. Luffy thought it was cool. She then revealed her intentions of winning the Flame-Flame fruit. So as to go all pyromaniac on the people that are the reason she had a shitty childhood, and why her mother is deceased, surprising the dense shonen protagonist.

Both then learn that they've been put into separate blocks; Luffy being in C and Rebecca in D. They then go their separate ways, with Rebecca telling Luffy that she's glad that they won't fight each other since she respects him. As they went where they desired, they noticed unique-looking headwear in front of them. It wasn't the appearance that got their attention, it was just something that attracted them to the items on ground in front of them.

In front of Luffy was one of those hats that most marines would wear, except that instead of it being all white and having the words 'MARINE' at the front, it was all black and had 'OBEY' printed on the front. Luffy wasn't sure why, but he felt like putting the hat in front of him on his head. He tried to ignore it, but his eyes were practically glued to the item.

Likewise with Rebecca, a black beanie was in front of her, and just like with the black snapback, she too was also unable to ignore it. Like her sixth sense was basically telling her "Bitch, put that fucking beanie on and good things will come your goddamn way!".

Following their instincts, they picked up the items. Then, they removed the headwear they currently had on; both their respective gladiator helmets. Slowly, but dramatically, they slowly placed the headwear on their heads. Nothing happened after that, except that they fit snuggly on their craniums. Shrugging, they continued where they wanted to go, after placing their own respective headwear on top of the strange ones they had on.

"Better see what's there to do around here," Luffy said to himself. _'Right after drinking bleach, slitting my wrists and throat and cutting my dick off of course.'_

Luffy suddenly froze, confused as to where that came from. He pushed those thoughts away and continued to walk, but not before grabbing his crotch out of instinct and looking very ill, did he realize what he said.

"WHY WOULD I WANNA CUT OFF MY MANHOOD AND FAMILY JEWELS?!"

With Rebecca, she too was slowly unaware of the small changes the beanie was doing to her mentally. Her mind then wandered back to Lucy. Maybe she should have given him tips on how to survive, but got rid of that thought. He looked like he knew what to do, so she left it at that. She then realized she was a bit parched. She should probably drink some water, then deep-throat it to show her intense love, admiration and loyalty for her reptilian king, Lucy-senpa-

...?

...!

Her eyes widened, where did that come from?! The better question was, why was she thinking of Lucy like that? She shook her head, her slight dehydration must've been the cause. Yeah, that had to be it. Though she was unaware that a small part of her was killed off, replaced with something not of this planet; which is saying something. Considering that the globe they inhabit has a bunch of weird stuff and has more water than land.

Whatever it was, it'll cause a change in the metaphorical tides of Fate.

A song then started playing in their heads, and were unable to tune it out.

 **(My Boo | At Night I Think Of You)**

 **At night, I think of you**

 **I want, to be you lady baby**

 **If your game is on, give me a call boo**

 **If your love is strong, I gotta give my all to you...**


	2. Soul Perspective

**In the Point of View of the souls...**

 **[...]**

 **[...]**

 **[...Really? Did Fate really do this to us? Did that dumbass really have to do this to us, especially me?! When all we wanted to do was relax in Heaven?!]**

Were the thoughts of one of the souls that have been transported down to the planet their intangible spirits were once above. The soul, who was in a bad mood happened to be a male in his previous life on his own planet. He was known by many names that a lot of people knew him by; something to do with a leaf or something. But was most recognized as a reptilian who wanted to spread some good ol' positivity.

He didn't care that he talked sass to a being that could end his existence, he just wanted to remain in Heaven and continue to relax with his friends. But no, he had to get transformed into a goddamn snapback for the amusement of another. Like what the actual hell? Why couldn't Fate get the whiny gnome and humpty-dumpty look-a-like for its entertainment? Is it because of his past history of talking smack to other people form long distances? If that's the case, then why was he sent to Heaven in the first place?

Calvin got rid of those thoughts, they weren't of no importance. What _was_ important is getting out of here. _How_ he was getting out of this hallway that carried a lot of commotion and battle cries was the question he had yet to answer himself.

 **[Why couldn't that motherfucker at least give me my old body when I finally came to this place? Did he expect me to jump in joy when I found myself as a _fucking_ snapback? Because if he did, then uh, holy shit. I can't believe that the being responsible for setting specific events in history actually thought that having a hat for a body would satisfy me. I mean holy shit, is my existence always going to be something stupid or what?] **

Calvin was cut from his self-monologuing when the sound of footsteps approached him. He started to panic a bit. He hoped that the person would just ignore him. But that would mean he would be stuck here and possibly be thrown into the trash. Sucking it up, he decided who was going to put him on their _greasy_ head.

On a side note, just because his soul was transmogrified into a snapback didn't mean his ability to look around wasn't taken away. He could look around in a three-sixty degree manner perfectly. So imagine his confusion when the person in front of him was an anime character he watched sometime in his previous life. He couldn't remember the name of the anime or the characters' name; he couldn't remember how much time has passed since his death. All he could remember was that this _guy_ was a major idiot who he swore has the lowest IQ.

The retard with the double-horned helmet, while wearing a _fucking_ fake beard and sunglasses was looking at him funny. Like he was eying the former deceased soul-turned-hat like he was a juicy meal ready to being _fucking_ devoured. Okay maybe he had over exaggerated it, the dude wearing the opened floral-patterned shirt was just looking at him odd. Calvin couldn't believe he fooled himself into thinking that he was going to get eaten when he _remembered_ that he was a snapback.

 ** _[Wait... if this guy puts me on his head, then I can get out of here and find the others! Oh god, I can already imagine Niall and Roman having a good laugh out of this...]_**

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt himself being lifted from the ground and slowly approached the prepubescent manchild's head. His greasy, _greasy_ grimy head.

 ** _[Ugh, someone just dump bleach on me and toss me into an incinerator, just to get this over with.]_**

After an overly dramatic moment he was finally on the guy's head. He had to say, it wasn't that bad to be honest. He assumed that he would be on top of so much grease that he swore that it would completely fill a drum barrel. But now that he was resting on top of the retards head, he took back everything he said about the guy's head being dirty and grime-filled.

It was surprisingly soft, akin to silk, but nowhere near as the actual fabric. The shape and size of the dude's head fit perfectly. That wasn't the only thing that Calvin experienced. When the manchild put the soul-turned-snapback on top of his cranium, the deceased spirit began gaining information about the one who used him as headwear.

From what he learned within the span of a millisecond, the idiot wearing him was named Monkey D. Luffy. What the fuck? Okay first of all, who has their last name as 'Monkey'? Don't get Calvin wrong alright, he has no problem if people want their last name to be something that fits their needs. If someone wants to change their last name to "Flaming Hot Cheeto", then that's their decision. But still, it sounds stupid to him that someone just had to have their last to be 'Monkey'.

True to his thoughts, this 'Luffy' is a _major_ dumbass, and that's not even a joke. This guy, this _fucking_ guy is dumber and stupider than one gnome he had a lot of beef with in his past. Calling this 'Luffy' stupid would be more of a compliment than an insult. He is, the existing proof than humans are evolving backwards and becoming less intelligent with each generation that passes. And speaking of 'Luffy', he was now walking forward, to where he didn't know. Calvin also now realized that Luffy put the gladiator helmet on top of the snapback.

 ** _[Oh well, better sense if the others are close by.]_**

Using an ability that other souls use to detect any other souls that are close, Calvin sent out a pulse to see if the others are close to him. A second later, he figured out who the closest one was.

 ** _[Oh god, why her of all people? Well, I guess it's better than being used as headwear for this retard.]_**

While preparing to communicate with the closest soul, Calvin had to remind himself that the soul he was the closest to was his friend now. Both needed each others help if they want to get back to the afterlife. At this point, Calvin was able to get in touch with one of his friends.

 ** _[...Hello?]_**

 ** _[Calvin?! Is that you?!]_**

 ** _[Yeah, it's me Katie.]_**

 ** _[Where are you at?]_**

 ** _[Where do you think? I'm on top of a retard's head as I speak.]_**

 ** _[...Pffft HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!]_**

 ** _[It's not funny_ Katie _...]_**

 ** _[Yes it is!]_**

 ** _[Oh yeah, what about you? I bet your situation is as bad as mine.]_**

 ** _[O-Oh! W-Well I'm fine over here! Yep, nothing bad over here! Just dandy!]_**

 ** _[...Katie, is that a lie I hear?]_**

 ** _[W-W-WHAT?! NO, I'M TELLING THE TRUTH AND ONLY THE TRUTH!]_**

 ** _[Katie, I already know your lying. You already know that I know, just tell me the truth.]_**

 ** _[...Fine! I got turned... into a beanie; my old one to be specific.]_**

 ** _[Go on.]_**

 ** _[Aaand, someone put on top of their head. A girl with, *incoherent mumbling*]_**

 ** _[What was that?]_**

 ** _[I said... a girl with... b...g b...s.]_**

 ** _[You're gonna have to speak up Katie, because I still can't understand what you're sayi-]_**

 ** _[A GODDAMN GIRL WITH HUGE ASS TITTIES AND LOOKS LIKE A GUYS WET DREAM!]_**

 ** _[... ... ...Well goddamn, you're so freaking lucky. I have to lie on the living proof of humanities downfall while you're resting comfortably on an attractive girl's head. I honestly envy you Katie.]_**

 ** _[Shut up! Guys and their fetishes...]_**

 ** _[Calm down it was just a joke! Though I'd really love to trade places with you.]_**

 ** _[Just drop the subject Calvin!]_**

 ** _[Fine, fine. So do you know where the others are at?]_**

 ** _[Not really. As far as I know, you're the closest one.]_**

 ** _[Maybe something is interfering with communications?]_**

 ** _[Dunno, though I think we can use our new 'landlords' to our advantage.]_**

 ** _[I was thinking the same thing. Though as to how we're at now, we can't do anything at the moment, other than screwing with the minds of our hosts-! Katie! I got an idea!]_**

 ** _[What is it Calvin?!]_**

 ** _[Since we can't do anything else at the moment, I was thinking that we mess with these guys' heads until we're strong enough to reach out to the others.]_**

 ** _[Well, it's better than doing nothing. Okay, I'm in!]_**

 ** _[Great! So in the meantime, let's cut off communications and screw with our hosts.]_**

With that, they stopped talking and proceeded to mess with their respective hosts minds; their conversation happened within a microsecond.

"Better see what's there to do around here," said Luffy. Calvin took the opportunity to implement his thoughts into Luffy's own, to make him think that his thoughts were the idiots' own.

 ** _[Right after drinking bleach, slitting my wrists and throat and cutting my dick off of course.]_**

His host stopped and froze in confusion while Calvin snickered. It wasn't until that what Luffy said next was when he started wheezing in laughter.

"WHY WOULD I WANNA CUT OFF MY MANHOOD AND FAMILY JEWELS?!"

Oh, was he going to enjoy this _a lot._

* * *

 **With Katie...**

 ** _[Alright, let's see how I'm going to pull this off.]_**

With that, Katie started to implement her thoughts into this girls' own. The way she was going to do it is by manipulating her mind a bit; get her to think what the former weeaboo says.

 ** _[-then deep-throat it to_** ** _show her intense love, admiration and loyalty for her reptilian king, Lucy-senpa-]_**

It was as far as Katie could go before her control on Rebecca broke. Katie was disappointed, realizing that she was still too weak to have a major influence on her host.

 ** _[Whatever]_** , she thought. At least she got a hoot out of it. Unbeknownst to both Calvin and Katie, they decided to play a song in their hosts heads simultaneously to mess with them further.

 **At night, I think of you**

 **I want, to be your lady baby**

 **If your game is on, give me a call boo**

 **If your love is strong, I gotta give my all to you...**


End file.
